


you're the only thing i've ever truly known

by duCOQUELICOT



Series: Zutara Week 2020 [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Honest Conversations, Slow(ish) Burn, South Pole shenanigans, Zutara Week, Zutara Week 2020, and PDA, and awkwardness, and just a whole lot of love, and some angst, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25628551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duCOQUELICOT/pseuds/duCOQUELICOT
Summary: After Kanna's death, Zuko stays in the South Pole for a little while to help out his friends. Katara doesn't know how to handle his kindness, but is thankful for it. Together, they reminisce about what life and death means, and Zuko makes a promise to Katara.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zutara Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850281
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46
Collections: Zutara Week 2020





	you're the only thing i've ever truly known

**Author's Note:**

> **did I say that I need you?  
>  did I say that I want you?  
> what if I did and I'm a fool, you see  
> no one knows this more than me  
> I come clean  
>   
> nothing you would take  
> everything you gave  
> hold me 'till I die  
> meet you on the other side  
>   
> \-- Pearl Jam  
> **

He finds her outside, in the snow. The wind is raging across the polar fields, but she doesn't move. **  
**

He brings her a blanket, and after ten minutes, a cup of freshly brewed tea. She takes it from him without looking. 

"You don't have to be so nice to me," she says, her voice barely audible above the storm. Tonight, the elements are howling for her loss. 

"I do," he says, because there's nothing else to say.

He sits next to her. She hasn't cried a single tear yet, and it worries him.

"It's all just so..." she gasps, and clutches her hand to her chest. "... _so unfair_."

All he can do is nod. 

"I thought I would be used to the pain by now." She smiles a bitter smile. "But if that's the case, why does it _still_ hurt so much?"

Her last words are but a whisper, as hot tears come streaming down her cheeks. He raises both his mitted hands and holds her face between them. 

Once she has started, she cannot stop. It floods over her in waves, she gasps for air in between howls that cut so deep that Zuko becomes afraid she could faint from sheer exhaustion. 

At some point, he pulls her in close, feels her heartbeat on his chest and hugs her so tight that his arms begin to cramp. He knows it's not enough.

"Let me go, I'm making your parka all wet and snotty," she mumbles against his shoulder. He releases her, looks into her eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes, glistening with tears. 

Yes, his parka is wet. No, he doesn't care.

Katara regains her composure, rubs the remaining tears out of her eyes with the palms of her bare hands. Zuko holds her mittens, but she doesn't want to put them back on, so he lays them beside him.

"Thank you, for being here," she says. Her smile is sincere now. He returns it, although he thinks it probably looks like an awkward grin.

He feels helpless. He's not good with… this. With death. 

When he arrived at the South Pole, no one expected Kanna to pass away so soon. But he's here, and he knows his friends need all the help they can get right now.

She nestles her head against his shoulder, her hand falls in his lap. He takes off his own mittens and folds his hand into hers. She has slender fingers. They're slightly cold - but Katara is always cool to the touch, even on a hot summer day. He envies this about her sometimes.

Zuko came not knowing Kanna was ill. Neither Katara nor Sokka had told him, probably because they knew he was going to drop everything immediately and come visit. He can't help it - he's so happy about them wanting to be in his life, he feels it's his duty to repay them at any given opportunity. For they're still willing to put up with him, even after all this time.

It's been five years since that fateful day.

"You almost died for me," she says out of the blue, and a shiver goes down his spine because of the coincidence.

"Yes," he says. His voice creaks. 

The reason why he came - he can't tell her _now_. 

"I'd rather you live for me instead."

"Wha… what do you mean?"

Katara sits up straight, looks him in the eyes once more. He counts the freckles on her nose. 

"I don't want to lose you, that's what I mean." She sniffles, punches him half-heartedly against his upper arm. "You're too important to me, silly."

"Oh..." 

He scratches the back of his head with his hand. 

"Well, don't worry, as long as I can fend off those assassins, I'll probably live for a good sixty years, at least." 

He says it hastily, stumbling over the words as he forces them out of his mouth. He doesn't even know what he's saying.

Katara sighs. 

"They're _still_ after you? Why haven't you told us?"

"The same reason you didn't tell me your grandmother was dying," he says, lowering his voice. He doesn't want to offend. It's still so raw.

"So I guess we're both stupid, then."

He isn't going to agree with her because he doesn't want to imply that he thinks she's stupid. 

"I wonder where her spirit is now," she says, her features softening. "She could be a raindrop, or a snowflake, or a polar fox. She could be a pebble in a river, or a fish in the ocean." 

She exhales, a breath so deep it stutters. She closes her eyes. He remembers he's still holding her hand and squeezes. 

"Where would you want her to be?" he asks. 

"I would love for her to be a skua," Katara answers. "They're predatory birds, roaming the skies above the Antarctic. Gran-Gran always wanted to be free, to be unbound."

And you? Do you want to be unbound? The question is burning on his lips but he can't bring himself to ask it, for this is not the time. It probably never is.

He came here because he wanted to tell Katara that he can't stop thinking about her. It was a rushed decision - he didn't plan anything else. He just had to tell her. 

_"And then what?"_ He can hear his uncle say to him. _"You never think these things through!"_

It's true, he doesn't. He never did, and he probably never will.

But Sokka's grave face when he came to pick Zuko up from the icy Southern Water Tribe harbor was enough for him to swallow his speech and pretend he just had a serendipitous hunch in coming here.

A door opens, and yellow light brightens the dark around them. 

"Are you guys still out here?"

Sokka steps into the snow. It crunches under his feet. 

Katara lets go of Zuko's hand to get up and hug her brother. They stand there, and as Zuko watches them, suddenly _he_ feels his throat close and tears well up behind his eyelids. 

"Come inside," Sokka says to Zuko.

"Yeah. I will." 

He is intruding. He shouldn't even be here. 

"Please, don't leave yet." 

It's as if Katara is reading his mind tonight. 

"Well, _I'm_ going back inside," Sokka says and he shivers. "It's cold out here. You're lucky you didn't freeze to death."

Zuko breathes fire and grins.

"I think we'll be okay."

"Oh, right, I forgot you're the Fire Lord." Sokka raises his arms, but Zuko sees he's smiling, too. He leaves the door open. 

Inside, he can see a fire crackling. Hakoda is roasting some kind of meat. In the Southern Water Tribe, a death is consumed, with tales and liquor and food and laughter. 

In the Fire Nation, a death is burned, never to be spoken of again. The difference is so stark he feels forlorn in these traditions that are so unfamiliar to him. Every step he takes feels wrong. Every breath he draws is one too many, placing unwanted attention on himself. The only thing that felt right so far was sitting out here with Katara.

He doesn't want it to end, but he sees her looking longingly at the fire, feels how she is sucked away by its glow and its promise of a meal and a memory.

 _Go_ , he tries to tell her through his thoughts. _It's fine. You don't have to stay here for me. This is not about me._

"I should probably go in," she says. 

"You should," he encourages her.

They let a silence come between them. 

"Thank you, for arriving at just the right time. I don't know how you did it."

_I could tell you, but you would be disappointed._

"Will you promise me something?"

He jerks his head up.

"Sure." _Anything_.

"Don't die without me," she says. Her lip trembles, but she doesn't break. "Don't make it so that your children send me some stupid letter telling me that you died peacefully in your sleep. I will come haunt you if you do."

He chuckles. "I won't die without letting you know first," he says solemnly. 

"No," she shakes her head. "Not enough. Don't die _without me_ ," she puts extra emphasis on the last two words.

"You want to be there when I die?"

"I do."

"I don't understand."

"Do you need to understand something to promise it?" 

_Not when it's you_ , he thinks. He bows to her.

"I promise."

"Good."

She picks up her mittens.

"Zuko?"

He feels his heart skip a beat. 

"Yes?"

"If I die before you, I promise I will come haunt you as well."

Their laughter can be heard in the far corners of the South Pole.

**Author's Note:**

> If I were to continue this, I promise it will be very fluffy. I haven't written that much fluff for these two yet, because I enjoy writing their tension so much. But they definitely deserve some fluff. And awkwardness. [Let me know if you want me to continue!]


End file.
